Seriously, Coldplay ARE The Worst Band In The World

Before we get to what shuffled through my iPod during today’s workout, I’m taking time out to declare that Coldplay are the world’s worst band. Ever! Plenty of bands have made a career by playing U2 Lite, but Oldplay have stolen almost their entire act from U2’s worst period—the past 5 years—while watering it down to something Seals & Crofts would reject as weak and dull. Oh, don’t get me started on the matching Sgt. Pepper uniforms. If it was up to me, I wouldn’t let Moldplay onstage in Richard Marx’s old stage gear, let alone the Mop Tops’ threads.

Hear this: When the revolution comes and I’m named Czar of Music, Chris Martin and company will answer for their crimes. This rant was brought on when the aforementioned band popped up on my XM Radio earlier today.

Now, on to the workout: Clearly, I’m ascribing way too much intelligence to my iPod. After all, it’s only a Nano. But, it really seems that when you click onto shuffle, rejecting lame first songs is a good strategy. Don’t recall what got nixed, but today’s goodness it all started out with:

The Flaming Lips “The W.A.N.D.”
It’s a pretty weird little ditty, but quite catchy, as well, and it set an awesome tone for my elliptical session (plus 50 sit-ups). Each one seemed perfectly suited to my 140-strides-per-minute pace. In fact, I’d intended kind of a nice, easy session today and the following tunes had me working a little harder than I’d expected. In fact, it was hard not to notice the guy next to me logged 500 calories in 36 minutes (to my 653 with one less minute).

AC/DC “Ride On”
I prefer the late Bon Scott to current singer to Brian Johnson in the same way I favor, say, Molson Golden over a can of Coors or a Ferrari over a Hyundai.

Social Distortion “Down Here With The Rest Of Us.”

Van Halen “Unchained”
Metallica “Cyanide”
I still have ear pain because this song from the new “Death Magnetic” CD was so frickin’ loud when it first came on. Again, I had the Soundcheck setting on, which is supposed to normalize sound (below my pre-set max), but Lars & Co. apparently turned all the studio settings up to 11. Great tune, although the lyrics sounded like they just went to the Metallica songbook and plugged oft-used words into new spaces in a sort of paint-by-numbers arrangement.

Foo Fighters “Times Like These”
Love this song, and it’s hard to imagine they weren’t addressing times like these, January 2009.
The Pretenders “Louie Louie”
Little faster than the tempo of the rest of the set, but it’s not a bad idea to kick it up a notch as the equipment’s timer counts down to almost zero.

The Pogues “Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.”
An under-appreciated classic that I’ll predict will soon undergird a critical scene in a film dealing with Irish mobsters. You’re welcome, Guy Ritchie.